By the time Zara Larsson and PinkPantheress finally connected over Zoom last week, Larsson playfully said, “This is our first date, actually,” even though the two had already been moving in the same pop universe for a while. One is a Swedish artist with a love for big sounds and bold style, often jokingly called “Beyonce’s daughter” by her fans, complete with a dolphin inspired wardrobe and a Grammy speech already mentally prepared. The other is a self described “control freak” known for her bangs, jungle influenced production, and sharp awareness of how music lives online. When the Grammy’s arrive in February, they will both be competing for Best Dance Pop Recording, with Larsson nominated for “Midnight Sun,” the shimmering standout from her September album, and PinkPantheress nominated for “Illegal,” the Tik Tok driven third single from her album Fancy That. In October, the two released their remix of Pink’s hit “Stateside” even though they had never met in person, which made us decide it was finally time to bring them face to face. So the morning after learning they had each earned their first Grammy nomination, they sat down together for a true pop girl meeting. —OLAMIDE OYENUSI

ZARA LARSSON: Hey, queen.

PINKPANTHERESS: Hi, nice to meet you. I’m just driving home.

LARSSON: Isn’t this crazy? I’m like, I have not even actually directly spoken to this girl. This is our first date, actually. 

PINKPANTHERESS: Exactly.

LARSSON: Oh my god, congratulations on your Grammy noms.

PINKPANTHERESS: Thank you so much. 

LARSSON: It’s fucking crazy. That’s your first nomination, right?

PINKPANTHERESS: Yeah, it’s my first nomination. I woke up and I was like, “There’s no way this is real.” I’m being so serious. I thought it would never happen. But well done to you as well.

LARSSON: Thank you. How was your tour? It looked so fun. I saw someone give you a chicken.

PINKPANTHERESS: Someone gave me a rotisserie chicken. [Laughs] It’s been really good. I’ve got my last show in L.A. today, then I’ve got two more, and then we’re done. I’m just ready to just be able to spend the rest of this year just kind of on holiday. How long is the rest of your tour?

LARSSON: We’re halfway, which is crazy. I mean, we’re only doing 17 dates. I went straight from the Tate [McRae] tour, which was 31 dates, and then into this, and then we’re doing some radio stuff.

PINKPANTHERESS: 31?

LARSSON: Yeah, and that was only a small fraction of her tour, because she’s been doing this tour for a year. You remember reading in magazines and stuff back in the day where it was like, “These divas demand this backstage and they want this toilet paper.” And I’m like, “Yeah, duh, because it’s literally your home for the next year.” [Laughs] I can’t wait until I’m on that level, where I get to have my special toilet paper. I’m excited about that.

PINKPANTHERESS:[Laughs] I’m pretty sure you could ask for that right now. Like, immediately.

LARSSON: [Laughs] You know what? My rider is so fucking trash that I always go in and steal the snacks from my dancers. And my tour manager’s like, “You know you can just ask to have stuff on your rider?” I’m like, “No, no, it’s fine. Don’t worry about little me.”

PINKPANTHERESS: I don’t know if it’s because we’re European—or you are, since I’m out of the EU now—but I think it’s something to do with how we’re always too scared or shy to ask for anything. 

LARSSON:  I don’t want to be a problem.

PINKPANTHERESS: Yeah, you don’t want to be a problem.

LARSSON: That’s part of what it means to be Swedish.

PINKPANTHERESS: I really want to go to Sweden. Oh wait, I’ve been to Sweden, actually. [Laughs] I forget where, but I’ve been there. I was going to ask though, since you mentioned it—you opened for Tate. I’ve been an opener, and it was a great experience for me. But was there anything you were worried about?

LARSSON: Well, I’ve opened for lots of people before, honestly. So when I did the Tate thing, a part of me was like, “I have to be an opener again?”  I thought, “At this point, I just want to not be an opener.” But I’ve done it for Clean Bandit, I’ve opened for Ed Sheeran, I’ve opened for Kygo, but no one’s really matched my vibe and the audience the way that Tate has. If you buy a ticket for Tate, I think you’ll appreciate my show. I was thankful for the opportunity, but I was also really excited for this to be the last time I’m going on tour as an opener. But what were you worried about before opening?

PINKPANTHERESS: Well, at the time that I did it, sometimes I felt like I didn’t deserve it. It was an arena tour, so I felt like I wasn’t equipped. I’ve only just about figured out how my body can move this year. I wasn’t at one with my body. I was also not a confident singer at that point.

LARSSON: Can you remind me who it was for?

PINKPANTHERESS: It was for Olivia Rodrigo.

LARSSON: Oh, right.

PINKPANTHERESS: She’s mother. An incredible artist. I did my best. But I will 100% say that I think only this year have I actually figured out how to really approach my life. And once I figured it out, everything fell into place.

LARSSON: No, I see that. You look like you’re having so much fun.

PINKPANTHERESS: Thank you.

LARSSON: But I also have to tell you that I feel like we’re super different in the way we’ve approached our careers. You’re really, really true to yourself—you do things that are true to who you are, and you do them your way. And that’s why even if you would have been standing completely still with your handbag on stage, that was also your thing—and people appreciated that being your thing. So I think it’s a win-win. People love to see you grow, but they also love you for you.

PINKPANTHERESS: Do you feel like you weren’t being super authentic at one point? 

LARSSON: It’s not that I wasn’t being authentic, but I feel like I didn’t have control over my artistry because I started off so young. It’s funny ‘cause you’re like, “I never thought I would be nominated for a Grammy.” Girl, listen—I have practiced my Grammy speech since I was eight. [Laughs] This to me is like, finally. Because I’ve had this dream, which I think was more about wanting to be seen and wanting to be loved—which is a whole conversation in itself. I love to perform. In a way, when I started out, the music itself was secondary. So it took me until, honestly, this album to be like, “No, no, no. I’m going to make this with my friends. I’m going to do this with people that I love and trust, who see me and make me feel confident.”

I also think I’ve now realized that, growing up, I mostly cared about women who could sing. I just wanted to hear “Rah rah rah.” I wanted to listen to Celine [Dion], Christina [Aguilera], Beyonce, fucking Aretha Franklin. I just closed my eyes and pretended to be that. And singing—the using of my voice— has been my passion. But the older I get, I realize that you can be an amazing artist and not a fantastic vocal performer, and you can be an amazing vocalist and not a very good artist. I want to be an artist. I don’t just want to be a good singer, because then I can go and sing on a cruise ship. Nothing wrong with that. And I think that’s why people love what you do, because you feel you have your world. So how did that come about for you? When did you go, “I’m going to wear tartan. I’m going to have my bangs. This is me.” 

PINKPANTHERESS: So for me, I didn’t always have an aesthetic. I’ve just always been myself. But I definitely didn’t think of anything branding-wise until I met Ice Spice, honestly. 

LARSSON: Interesting.

PINKPANTHERESS: When I saw her and I saw how she was so recognizable, how she had it figured out, I was like, “You know what? I want to brand myself. I want to have a look that people would know me by.” But I also wanted to feel more confident in how I looked. That’s when I got the bangs. I have a big forehead, so I was like—

LARSSON: [Laughs] It suits you so well.

PINKPANTHERESS: Thank you.

LARSSON: It’s also K-pop. I know you’re a big K-pop fan.

PINKPANTHERESS: I am indeed, girl. But I agree with what you were saying about being a real artist. I always say to my friends, “I love this person and what they do, but they don’t feel like an artist to me.” I think everyone has their own power in what they do, but when I listen to “Midnight Sun,” when I listen to the album, I feel like I’m listening to you and I’m visualizing your moves—your dance moves that I’ve been seeing, your outfits.

LARSSON: Thank you.

PINKPANTHERESS: Everything for you recently has just come together. And I think that we’ve been waiting for someone like you to come in—someone whose vocal ability matches the dancing ability, someone who matches everything.

LARSSON: Oh, that’s so nice. I feel like I’ve almost had plenty of one-hit wonders, in a way. And now I’m like, “No, I want people to know me and what I like.” At your concerts, people get to step into your world. And for me, for the first time now, I can see the girls with the flowers in their hair, they have the chain belts, they have the sparkly tops. And I’m like, “Fuck yeah. You get to be a part of this world.”  And isn’t that amazing to see—when you’re on stage and everyone’s dressed on theme like we’re going to the same party?

PINKPANTHERESS: I always think about that. I always think about a uniform. And you’ve touched on something in terms of aesthetic that I don’t think anyone really has. That’s such a power in itself. It’s so interesting though, because as a British person, I’ve literally known about you for years and fucking years, girl. I always knew you from being hilarious. But then also, the time that you came up in, I think pop music has changed so incredibly. Back then I feel like female vocalists were essentially just that. Especially if you were European, female vocalists were basically just a vessel for a producer to have a hit. 

LARSSON: It’s like, we’re used as an instrument in the production.

PINKPANTHERESS: But obviously, we know Zara Larsson as an entity. We know her as a voice. We know how she looks. I feel like producers back then were like, “Okay, this is the Clean Bandit song.” But it’s like, okay, we’re all singing Zara Larsson.

LARSSON: In a way I’m now like, “Okay guys, everything before this was just rehearsal. Now is when it starts for real.” 

PINKPANTHERESS: That’s incredible.

LARSSON: Did I make this up, or did I read this somewhere? That you wanted to be anonymous in the beginning.

PINKPANTHERESS: Oh yeah, I was anonymous. But after a few TikTok songs had gone, I was like, “Okay, I’m done. I really want to make sure that people know me.” But I think that I hadn’t necessarily figured out how to just translate myself very well yet. I’m from the U.K. There’s not many jungle artists in general, or drum and bass, two-step, in the genre that I do. I would love to be a representative of the kind of music I make, and also how I look.

LARSSON: And you have such a specific sound, I think. People are like, “This is a PinkPantheress song.” That’s one of the hardest things, and you really found it. 

PINKPANTHERESS: Thank you.

Zara Larsson

LARSSON: Would you say you’re a bit of a control freak?

PINKPANTHERESS: Yes, I’m definitely a control freak. But I’m open to collaborating. 

LARSSON: Yeah, I guess it’s because you care. I mean, this is the first album where I’ve written all the songs. When I started out, I didn’t write anything. All I knew was, “Give me the mic. Where’s the stage? I just want to perform.” And now I feel like we’re almost meeting each other halfway—you started out as a musician turning into a performer, and I started out as a performer turning into a creator. Because that’s been a dream of mine: to be able to at least start an idea by myself. You don’t even know how many times I’ve opened Logic or whatever and I’m like, “What the fuck?” There’s just so many things to do. Then when I do something, it’s just like, “Bleep, bloop, bleep, bloop, bleep, bloop. Where did you start producing? And get to a point where you felt like, “Oh, this is fire.”

PINKPANTHERESS: I feel like I’m very internet-era. So for me, it was essentially TikTok. [Laughs] Every time I’d be like, “I don’t know if this is eating or not,” I would post it online and see what people’s reactions were. 

LARSSON: So you would give the people a little taste test, essentially?

PINKPANTHERESS: Yes. I enjoyed teasing it.

LARSSON: That’s so smart.

PINKPANTHERESS: But I always think about how, if I came up in a different time, maybe earlier than TikTok times, you would have to rely on charting. It’s crazy that there was ever a point where the internet didn’t really play a huge part in how well a song did. You’re literally just relying on radio to pick it up.

LARSSON: Totally. It’s just so incredible to me that you’ve connected directly with the audience. It’s like, “Okay, where are we going, guys?” And without having this middleman kind of deciding for either side. And you do that from your bedroom, essentially. Because maybe back in the day, you needed to tour to promote an album. Nowadays, people promote their album so they can tour, and you can reach so many people from wherever you are.

PINKPANTHERESS: You know what’s crazy? Even now, on my Twitter, I can’t scroll without seeing you, girl. And I always stay watching it. I will not scroll past. And I’m like, “Okay, get in there. She’s hitting her shit.”

LARSSON: [Laughs] I can’t be on Twitter. 

PINKPANTHERESS: They love you, though. No negative comments made, girl.

LARSSON: Yet. [Laughs]

PINKPANTHERESS: I get that. It’s always a “yet.”

LARSSON: It goes up and down. I could sit up until 6:00 AM just reading tweets, my heart racing. I don’t know what chemicals my brain is sending out, but it’s like a fucking drug.

PINKPANTHERESS: Yes.

LARSSON: But now I know that even if it’s good or bad, it doesn’t really really matter, you know what I mean? I really appreciate it, but that’s not the reason why I do it.

PINKPANTHERESS: Yeah, I get that.

LARSSON: I’m just super happy. But also, I want people to connect with my music. If I do say something about politics, maybe they’re like, “Oh, let me look that up.” Even being pro-Palestine or going to demonstrations, speaking up about whatever it is, that’s just who I am as a person. But the praise that I’m getting now is kind of crazy to me, because I’ve never had this much positive love thrown at me. And I know that I’d be addicted to that. But I also deleted Twitter because people flip-flop, and I’m actually more scared of the day where somebody decides that they don’t like me, that it would hurt me so bad that I couldn’t handle it.

PINKPANTHERESS: And you’re from Sweden, so it’s kind of harder to break through in a way where Americans are listening to you, for multiple reasons. It’s a lot harder to get a face attached to the name as well.

LARSSON: The American propaganda machine worked on me, because I’ve always had a dream of coming to America.

PINKPANTHERESS: The American dream.

LARSSON: [Laughs] The American dream, yes. In general, Sweden is very minimalist. It’s not flashy, it’s not colorful. Maybe I’ve been trying to hide my style a bit, because I’ve always loved pink, neon, glitter, sparkle. And then that fucking dolphin meme came around and I was like, “That’s literally me. This is where I want to live.”

PINKPANTHERESS: And to a degree, there’s a truth in that. In America, there’s money. And when you have more money, you get more budget, and you can fulfill the artistic dream. I feel like in America, I’ve got a pretty decent standing. But the U.K. is the place that I’ve always wanted to get the respect.

LARSSON: Right.

PINKPANTHERESS: Because I feel like my music is very British. I’m obviously British, and I’ve always thought to myself, “Damn, I hope one day I can be a really big, big British artist.” But funnily enough, I’m not huge in the U.K. 

LARSSON: That’s so interesting. You’re so big here in America.

PINKPANTHERESS: I will say that I feel like a lot of my artistry challenges what American music sounds like. I think it’s good because it makes me stand out, but I do think that the U.K. has always been the thing. I just have one more question, because I watch your clips a lot. Do you ever get stage fright, or panic and have to run off stage?

LARSSON: The only time I feel really uncomfortable is when I have to talk. I hate when I have to speak on stage, which is very ironic, because I love to talk. But there’s something about speaking on stage that has always been my—ugh. I just feel way more confident and comfortable singing a song, because I know how to do that.

PINKPANTHERESS: Totally. I’ve got a funny story about when I smoked weed and—

LARSSON: Oh, hell no.

PINKPANTHERESS: [Laughs] I did it hours before a performance and I was on stage and I just started spinning. I was like, “Oh my god, this cannot be real right now.” Obviously, I had to do my due diligence and kind of figure it out, and it was genuinely one of the worst experiences of my life. That, for me, was the catalyst for my stage fright.

LARSSON: Stage fright, yeah, I hate that.

PINKPANTHERESS: Are you sober?

LARSSON: On stage, no, I don’t drink. We do take hella edibles, and I must say, I would never perform if I wasn’t sober. I know in the industry some people have a few beers before they go up and play, or they smoke a lot. On the Tate tour, I must say there were maybe two shows where I was stupid high off of edibles and I had the best time ever. And I was actually a bit nervous before because I was like “Fuck, I’m actually high.” In general, I just like to be in control when I’m on stage.

PINKPANTHERESS: Yes.

LARSSON: I’m excited to see you live. I’m going to catch you somewhere.

PINKPANTHERESS: Girl, actually, are you coming to Coachella? Or doing it?

LARSSON: I’m coming. Oh my god. You’re performing? Oh, I’m coming. 

PINKPANTHERESS: My manager was already like, “No, we need to get Zara to come out.” I was like, “Yes.”

LARSSON: That would be sick. Coachella is my Christmas. And honestly, we’ll meet each other at the Grammys. How fun is that?

PINKPANTHERESS: Oh my god, I can’t wait to see what you wear, girl. 

LARSSON: I think we both want to win really badly, but if it’s not me, I really want it to be you.

PINKPANTHERESS: I mean, there’s another Grammy that I’m up for, which is the album, and that’s the one that I would love.

LARSSON: Of course.

PINKPANTHERESS: But the dance-pop record, I actually genuinely don’t want my song to win. I want “Midnight Sun,” because that song is just so much more interesting than my song. It’s such progressive pop. It’s just really, really good. 

LARSSON: I feel like it’s going to be such a fun year for us—2026.

PINKPANTHERESS: I hope so, girl.

It was the beginning of 1996 when an up and coming alternative group called the Smashing Pumpkins set out on a global run in support of their latest release, “Mellon Collie and the Infinite Sadness.” One of the earliest dates brought them to Los Angeles for a packed performance at the legendary Palace Theatre, where fans filled the venue wall to wall. Instead of opening with the loud, abrasive energy that dominated alternative rock the year before, the band surprised everyone by beginning with a quiet piano performance.

The song was the album’s title track, a deeply reflective piece filled with emotion, optimism and the feeling of stepping into a new chapter. Billy Corgan, who was 28 at the time, wrote it while teaching himself how to play piano.

Corgan recalls the moment feeling almost unreal, surrounded by the Palace Theatre’s velvet drapes, the gentle melody and the overwhelming excitement from the crowd. Then everything erupted as pounding drums and roaring guitars crashed into the room, fully introducing the massive soundscape of “Mellon Collie.”

Three decades later, “Mellon Collie” is widely viewed as one of the defining rock records of the 1990s, later inspiring artists such as Muse, My Chemical Romance and Silversun Pickups. The album marked a dramatic turning point for the band, who had previously become known for the dreamy, progressive leaning sound of their 1993 breakthrough “Siamese Dream.” Unlike that record, “Mellon Collie” arrived as an ambitious concept double album, with lyrics tracing a journey that Corgan described as “one day that can represent your entire life.”

Throughout that concept, the record shifts through crushing and emotional examinations of rage and identity on tracks like “Muzzle,” “Zero” and “Bullet With Butterfly Wings,” nostalgic and delicate moments in “Cupid De Locke” and “Thirty-Three,” and themes of youth and romance in “1979” and “Love.” Its enormous range in both storytelling and musical direction made it stand apart from other rock albums of its era, abandoning the detached attitude often associated with grunge in favor of sincerity, emotion and experimentation.

Taking cues from Pink Floyd’s “The Wall,” the noisy textures of Sonic Youth, the symbolic songwriting and layered arrangements of Black Sabbath, along with surreal visual art influences, “Mellon Collie” pushed the Smashing Pumpkins further than ever before. The album challenged the group to discover how far they could stretch creatively and how completely they could capture human emotion within a single project.

To celebrate the album’s 30th anniversary, the band has partnered with the Lyric Opera of Chicago, their hometown orchestra, to reinterpret “Mellon Collie” as an opera production. They are also releasing the album again alongside previously unheard recordings from the 1996 “Infinite Sadness” tour. Featuring performances from Los Angeles to Philadelphia, the recordings preserve the intensity of the live shows and document a defining chapter in the band’s story.

In “Tonight, Tonight,” Corgan reflects, “And our lives are forever changed, we will never be the same.”

Looking back at the legacy of “Mellon Collie,” those lyrics feel hauntingly accurate. “Nothing was quite the same after this album,” Corgan told the Times. In many ways, that statement could not be more true.

The album earned seven Grammy nominations and launched the band into another level of fame through massive MTV exposure and a series of enduring hit singles. Away from the spotlight, however, Corgan was struggling through the collapse of his first marriage. During the tour, growing tensions inside the group eventually exploded following the overdose death of touring keyboardist Jonathan Melvoin. Later that same year, Corgan also lost his mother.

What followed “Mellon Collie” and the turbulent 1996 tour was a period filled with instability and upheaval. Yet within the life of the album itself existed a rare moment where Corgan and the Smashing Pumpkins came together in complete creative harmony to make a record that would ultimately shape their careers and, in many ways, the course of their lives.

Something I really love, especially about the piano and “Tonight, Tonight” as the opening track, is this feeling of hope that it starts off with, or maybe that’s just what I got from it.

[Laughs] It starts with hope and ends somewhere else, let’s put it that way.

What was the intention with starting with this feeling and what was it inspired by at the time?

I was going through a lot in my personal life, and I was grappling with the changes in my life and the awareness that I had in my life, given what I’d been through as a child and now as an adult with success, it was like I was trying to grapple with all that and wondering what really matters.

I think if you look at the general narrative of the album, it starts with the idea and it starts with the dream and what is possible within the dream. So, for example, you pointed to the piano piece that opens the record.

I went to a store, not too far from where I’m sitting and talking to you [he was calling from his car in Chicago], and bought an old 1920s piano with mismatched legs for $2,500. Now that may not seem like a big deal, but at 27 years old, when I was writing the record, I never owned a piano nor was I allowed to play a piano in my relatives’ houses.

So I finally had this moment of, wow, I can actually buy a piano and I can play my own piano in my own house. As silly as that sounds, it had never crossed my mind that way. I’d always lived in apartments and I was always on the road. It was like a new beginning. It starts with the gift that I gave myself and that ends up having a lot of influence on the compositional structure of the record.

And then “Tonight, Tonight,” was a song that we messed around with for about four months. And one night it just came to me in a flash, like what the song needed to sound like, and I went upstairs to this room that I had in my house and I just remember playing it like I could hear the whole orchestra in my head and I thought, OK, that’s what I need to do.

Something I see on this new reissue is that there’s going to be a lot of recordings from that live 1996 tour right after the release of the album. What was it like relistening to these performances, especially as it was the last tour with the band’s full original lineup?

We had crested a particular wave at the time. We had a No. 1 album. We were playing, I think, a 90-date arena tour, which, now there’s a ton of artists playing stadiums, but back then an arena show was essentially the top of the mountain. So then we had success, we had fame, we had money that we’d never had.

With that, we had all the trappings. And I think in the recordings that are on this record that’s coming out, it’s like a light burning bright before it burns out. If you’ve ever had that experience, you’re in a room and all of a sudden the lightbulb gets really intense and then it burns out. So, you hear us basically burning out.

And there’s a sort of incandescent poetic beauty to all that, and there’s just the sorrow to it because you also realize it’s the last of that moment. In many ways, it was truly the end of that band. I mean, yes, the band has continued, and James [Iha] and Jimmy [Chamberlin] and I have been playing back together again for seven years, and released more records and had a tremendous amount of success of late.

But you can never recapture the innocence of youth or the innocence of the time. When you combine those types of experiences with loss and sorrow and the knowledge of what didn’t happen or what could have happened, then it makes revisiting this time bittersweet.

What do you think “Mellon Collie” means today and how has it been for you to see younger generations continue to be inspired by it?

I view that album in particular very much within the realm of a child who grows up in a latchkey situation. It’s very much a Gen X term. Latchkey kids were those whose parents were working a lot or not home, so they grew up by and large unsupervised. So what does a kid who grows up unsupervised do? They watched a lot of television, and then we consumed a lot of sugar and got up to a lot of delinquent-type things.

So I think the album is very representative of that experience and I think why it continues to resonate for subsequent generations is, it’s very dissociative. Back in the ’90s, the mainstream culture, including the L.A. Times and the New York Times, they really struggled with, “Where’s this all coming from?” Now you are living in a world that is constantly dissociative thanks to social media.

The thing that’s surprising, I’m basing it on personal conversations I’ve had with tons of musicians through the years, is that our album gave some musicians the permission to pursue a wider artistic vision. Because “Mellon Collie” is so wide. It has so much breadth. So what I’ve heard from other artists is, “Wow, when I heard that album, I thought, I can do this too, but in my own way.” And that to me is like, that’s a penultimate compliment from another musician. It’s really humbling.

The greatest thrill now is seeing that young people really do connect with the record. And they connect with songs that are different from the previous generations, which is even cooler. They seem to like the weirder stuff on it rather than the ... let’s call it, the classic rock alternative stuff.

 

That’s a cool way of looking at it. Like the previous generation probably was really obsessed with “Bullet With Butterfly Wings,” and maybe newer listeners aren’t as focused on that song specifically. In that song, it’s interesting that you say, “Can you fake it for just one more show?” Or this feeling of putting on a performance and feeling that you have to fake it as an artist. Is that something that still resonates with you?

Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah. Because you work so hard to be on that stage and then, as Roger Waters so aptly describes in “The Wall,” you find yourself having a surrealist experience on that same stage. You put yourself through hell to get there and then one day you’re standing there and you’re like, what am I doing here?

I’ve had similar moments where I’m standing on stage and you feel like you’re tripping on drugs, but you’re totally sober. Because the thing that you love inverts on you. When I was a kid, I thought being on TV was a peak thing. But then I was there, about to perform on TV, and there were all these things going on, like you’re tired, or you’re being sued or your bandmate doesn’t like the deli tray. And I just thought, what am I doing here? I felt like I was living in “Spinal Tap.” This is supposed to be fun. This is supposed to be glamorous. This is supposed to be a thousand other things that you put on the rock-star checklist and you find yourself saying, I don’t want to be here.

If you turn to your friends or your family and say, “I’m really struggling with how I’m supposed to process the information that I’m receiving up here,” you’re told you’re ungrateful or you’re out of your mind or you really need to check your ego. I reached a point where it was like, no, I don’t have the skill set to survive punishing my mind, body, spirit five to six nights a week in front of strangers singing songs that are very personal to me and I hear the cheering and I see the flash bulbs popping, but I’m so numb that I can’t feel what’s happening. So in a lot of ways, that song and the themes from the album are still real.

A man in a gray suit playing an acoustic guitar and singing into a microphone on a stage
Billy Corgan of the Smashing Pumpkins performs at the Theatre at Ace Hotel in Los Angeles in 2017.
(Chris Pizzello / Invision / Associated Press)

You’ve said in the “Mellon Collie” sessions, you guys were working on 50 songs at once, that you’re working for six hours a day, just really intense in the studio. What are your thoughts as you think back to that? Were there any memories that really arise for you?

Despite our public persona of being dysfunctional and brawling, we were quite quiet in the rehearsal space. We almost never had guests and 97% of the time, it was just the four of us in a room working.

So, the real memory for me is just day after day after day of trying tons and tons of different ideas, and it started to wind itself into a story through those 60-plus songs, many of which came out in those few years. It was our best period of musical alignment and I think you can hear that. We worked very hard and very peacefully together for eight months to put all that together.

We had just come off a tour, “Siamese Dream,” which was a 14-month tour, and we went in the studio for eight months, made the “Mellon Collie” record, and we immediately went back on tour. And that tour was 22 months long. So when you ask my memory from that time, it’s like, can you describe the blur? It was a really beautiful blur, you know?

You said something really interesting earlier about “Tonight, Tonight” coming to you with the sound of an orchestra. Talk about what it was like to see that song and this album come to life as an opera with Chicago Lyric.

The idea that I would even not only write something on the piano, and now, a full orchestra is playing that song here in Chicago with the lyrics I wrote ... is totally mind-blowing. The first time I heard it with an orchestra, I started to cry, because I thought, this is so crazy. This song that I used to teach myself how to play the piano was now being played by some of the greatest musicians in the world in this beautiful opera hall. I can’t explain to you the strangeness of that journey.

I was made fun of [for using classical instruments in ’90s rock music]. It was seen as too precocious or too artsy or too, I don’t know, overly grand. And now, if you look at alternative music, I mean, there’s been an absolute explosion of people using unconventional instrumentation within the breath of alternative music, as it should be. So it makes me laugh now that there was a time where somehow that was pseudo-controversial.

Coming to my last question for you, how did this album impact your life 30 years later and impact your artistry?

After putting out something like this, artistically it was a triumph. But then publicly it became surreal. We hit a level where people were following you through malls and we were on MTV. It’s not like we had not tasted success, but this was this other stratospheric aspect of success. And something about that album just kind of blew everything wide open.

Family relationships, personal relationships, business relationships, everything just kind of went sideways. I remember thinking nothing was quite the same after that album. Which is true, but it’s not true the way you think it is.

The album has never left my life and is never far away from the conversation. It was never like I put it down and left it behind. Other people won’t let me forget and that’s a good thing because the value holds, and I’ll never forget about it.

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